Disclaimer

In my five and a half years of being a part of a blended family, there are so many things that I have learned. So many things I wish someone would have enlightened me on early on. My situation isn't uncommon. I have one daughter from a previous marriage, she is 8. My husband also has two girls from a previous marriage, 9 & 8. Together we have a daughter who is just shy of 2 years old. I am here to tell you all of the things I wish I had known in preparation for this life.

1. The fairy tale you imagine it will be is completely false. 

I am not being cynical here. You know what that honeymoon phase is like, everyone loves each other and is so excited to spend time together and everyone shares and plays so nicely together and nothing could be more perfect. Until it isn't perfect. Now this one is mad at that one so she will only talk to the other one and this one and the other one ignore that one and all hell breaks loose in the time it took you to take a pee. They honeymoon phase does not last. Soon you will be anticipating the bad moments and shocked when the good ones come out for a visit.

2. You are going to feel different about your own children than you do your step-kids.

No one wants to discuss the elephant in the room.  This doesn't mean you don't love your step-kids. They are an extension of the person you want to spend the rest of your days with.  However, the connection is different. You weren't there as they made their grand entrance into the world. You are not their primary decision maker. Just wait until the first time you witness your step child being "mean" to your birth child. The feelings are overwhelming.

3. You are stuck with the exes. 

There is no escaping them. They are relentlessly there reminding you in creative ways that they came first with your spouse. They are the parent. You don't need to like them or be friends but you do need to figure out a way to make it work. Often times you will need to bite your tongue and be the bigger person. Find a confidant that you can talk to so you aren't constantly taking out your suppressed annoyance on your spouse. Therapy does wonders.

4. There are going to be really bad days.

You spend an hour making dinner just to have 3/4 kids sit down and say they don't like it when two weeks ago they scarfed it down like savages. One child has to do homework but can't concentrate because the other two are screaming and playing. No one wants to clean up after themselves. This one is tired. This one won't go to bed. Explaining why furniture is not a gymnasium for the fourteenth time today. There are days I have to shut myself in my bedroom and give myself a legit pep talk while on my knees praying for the day to just be over.

5.  Team up with your spouse. 

There is no way any of this will work out long term unless you and your spouse are a team. Communicate. Communicate to the point where you can't communicate anymore. Stay consistent with all of the children in your home between the both of you. Oh, and have sex. Often. It doesn't matter how many kids are running through your house. Put a lock on your bedroom door and get it done. No sense it going to a difficult situation with added stress and tension.